From: francis benteux
To: baronw
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 3:27 a.m.
Subject: Falling vs Chute de neige
Dear Baron,
Snow made its first appearance in Charleville-Mézières two weeks ago,
and motivated me to start the translation of your poem “Falling”.
Attached please find a first attempt of it. I now look to you to get your notes and comments.
The following words or phrases: “Falling”, “specks”, “the dreamy descent of the endless sky”,
“to sculpt...”, “the prairies”, “falling and perfect”, still give me some trouble.
I hope everything is well with you,
Francis.
Re: Falling vs Chute de neige
De : baronw
Envoyé : jeu. 11/12/08 18:31
À : francis benteux
Dear Francis,
How delighted I was to read this translation. In a way, I prefer the French version because the poem is grave,
tender and slow and somehow the formality of the French language seems better suited to the sentiment I wanted to convey.
So it’s a great pleasure to read this in French.
I use the word “specks”, which is smaller than flakes (“flocons”). A speck would be very small, a mere dot.
“Dégringolant” translates in my dictionary as ‘tumbling down”, which is a bit stronger than I want.
I like “du ciel qui n’en finit pas”, although “dreamy” doesn’t come through in your French phrase.
“Construire” is okay but a bit stiff. Isn’t there a French verb that means “sculpt” and that is allied to the noun “sculpture”?
Perfect is “parfait”. So that seems right. I don’t know what “congères” means. Also “l’humidité” has in English the connotation of
“humidity”, which is to say heat and warmth. But perhaps the French don’t use the word in that manner.
Also “se prend” is a bit hard for me to “grasp”. Is it an idiom?
Amazing how much issues there are between languages, but you know that.
Did your skyscraper book come out?
We think of you often and fondly.
Best wishes,
Baron.
4 Poètes + 1 en Dialogue se veut être une modeste contribution à la diffusion de la poésie américaine en France, et plus précisément de celle de 4 auteurs importants d’aujourd’hui : Jeanne Marie Beaumont, David Lehman, Geoffrey O’Brien et Baron Wormser.